I couldn’t help laughing out loud when I saw this picture on Facebook. It says so much, in so few words, about our human foibles.
A new year shouts out ‘new beginning’ and that seems to bring into awareness all the aspects of our lives with which we are less than satisfied. Another chance for change! Another chance to get it right! But why will this year’s resolutions work any better than all those of past years?
The top 10 resolutions from Australia, Britain and the USA vary only slightly (and Australian journals appear to be only cut and paste versions of the US surveys). No surprise that the top 7 all include losing weight, getting fit, spending less, quitting smoking/drinking, having more time with family, enjoying life more, and learning something new/having new experiences. Same ole – same ole! And do you beat yourself up when those old habits creep back in, day by day? US research indicates that 54% of all the resolutions genuinely made are not continued beyond six months.
So am I saying ‘bah humbug’ to New Year's resolutions? Not at all! Let’s consider what the items mean. It seems to me that the list is all about self-indulgence – in food, in laziness, in stuff we don't need, in drugs, and in self-absorbed, boring, repetitive activities. Perhaps New Year resolutions reveal a mass struggle against self-indulgence?
For arguments sake, let's say all those resolutions became reality. If we turned them all into goals and actually achieved them over 6 months – then what? We would all be slim, fit, healthy, thrifty, connected, growing and enjoying the process. Indeed, we would all be living VitallyMe! Would we then attempt to maintain the same state forever as life continued to happen to us? They are all great qualities, but if you make them ends in themselves you invite an unending struggle against your own ego, which you must ultimately lose. So much wasted energy and accumulated stress! Am I advocating that we just surrender to indulgence? Tempting, I admit…
Instead of looking only at these symptoms and engaging in a struggle with them, let’s take a deeper look and explore the causes. Why would we indulge ourselves excessively? Perhaps we feel we deserve more? Perhaps nobody else ever indulges us? Perhaps our indulgence keeps particular uncomfortable feelings at bay? Oh no! Not that old low self-esteem thing again! We could have a good old-fashioned wallow in that for a while… Okay, now get out of the wallowing tub!
So realistically, how do we deal with this stuff? Well whatever you do, don't set goals in these areas! That would be like driving your car with a goal of staying in your lane by constantly looking out your side window to maintain your distance from the white line – dangerously short-sighted.
Instead, make these qualities the positive ‘means’ on the way to greater ‘ends’. The solution lies in finding something outside of you that lights up something inside of you.
That may be something meaningful you want to achieve in the world this year or some important relationship you want to develop or some meaningful piece of knowledge you wish to acquire. But the most critical aspect is that it must be meaningful to you personally – and its focus must be outside of yourself. Who do you want to become over the next year? Why, the person who would have that achievement, relationship, knowledge etc as part of everyday life, of course!
How highly would you value such a person? How would you empower someone to become such a person? What would you feed them? How would you recommend they look after their body? Who would you recommend that they hang around with?
Are you considering higher choices already? So, rather than making a New Year's resolution, ask “What is my heart's desire for the next 12 months?” This is a much bigger question – it’s not what you have to do, or ought to do, or need to do, but simply “What does your heart desire?” I guarantee you it is none of those typical resolution goals!
Food can become something you enjoy in moderation along the way, rather than an escape from less pleasant activity or a reward for persevering in such activity; regular exercise can become a way of clearing the mind and reinvigorating the system, rather than a chore or indeed, an alternate addiction in itself; relationships can become stimulating and a sharing of your journey, rather than a commiseration of negativity or a determination to achieve some ideal notional balance in life.
Your heart's desire is not about what's wrong, or about what you are less than satisfied with (although your emotions certainly might be). You heart’s desire is about your purpose, your vision, your dream – it’s about who you can become – this year.
So for 2012, may you become more of the person that your heart desires you to become and may your journey towards fulfilling your dream be joyful and meaningful for you and all those who share it with you.
Happy New Year from the VitallyMe team…
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