No Pain - No Gain?

                                                                                                       

What the world needs now is more pain!  Without discomfort and pain, not much happens. South-seas-island consciousness didn’t ever produce much progress. The major pieces of thinking and innovation that have moved the world along all came from cold climates.  It seems to me that none of the “PIIGS” countries in the current major financial turmoil are noted for their strong work ethics!

And why do we seek out personal development programs in the first place? I'd bet that it’s not because we're feeling on top of the world. We want to change something, to improve some aspect of life that is unsatisfying. And that may lead us on to follow a spiritual path. But what did those truly powerful personal development programs actually offer? They essentially facilitated a social outpouring of emotion that had not been acceptable in the previous couple of generations. Sure, it was good stuff, but was it perhaps motivated by the need for generational pain relief?

Any experienced corporate consultant will tell you that what best motivates organisational change is impending or existing pain. There’s nothing like an organisational crisis as a good motivation for teambuilding! 

It seems that when a state of comfort is attained, the urge to grow and change fades away. What most people want is a painkiller rather than a vitamin pill. But is it all simply a case of ‘No pain – no gain’?

If we seek future 'pain avoidance' rather than immediate 'pain relief' we often get more than we expect. If we seek to understand the cause-and-effect of the pain, we may start to wonder; we may become curious enough to explore and learn. So pain and discomfort is probably the most common impetus for learning and growth. It can give us a forward momentum that, even after the pain has been relieved, can draw us onwards towards broader understandings and bigger life experiences. But there is one proviso on how far it can take us – we need to find it personally meaningful. What a magic switch – from pain avoidance to seeking meaning! 

I guess the highest meaning for an individual is around discovering a purpose in life that’s worth living for. Perhaps life is in fact meaningless, however what is certainly true is that all people have a desire, and even a need, to make something meaningful of it. Having pursued the subject for many years both personally and with many thousands of other seekers, my conclusion is that purpose and meaning are very much tied to the timeframe we hold in mind.

It would seem that the purpose of life on this planet is about the experience of being human – which may or may not get you out of bed in the morning! If we shorten that timeframe to one lifetime, it would seem that life purpose is about experiencing love in one or more of its many manifestations. But that tends to be the broad purpose of anyone’s life, so while it might be true, it is not necessarily personally meaningful. Shorten the timeframe again and a meaningful purpose might be to raise a family, find a particular kind of partner, learn to express joy, master independence etc. My purpose today is to write this blog!

So there are many layers or levels to a life purpose, each bounded by a different timeframe. Maslow's hierarchy of needs similarly reflects a different timeframe at each level. It is only Maslow's self-actualisation level where questions of life purpose even begin to arise.

So what is the purpose of a purpose? There is no doubt that if one vigorously pursues a purpose greater than oneself then opportunities for personal development appear on all sides. If we seize those opportunities, we learn to make finer and finer distinctions in that area and our level of awareness will increase. Chances are we will get to grow to eventually become the person who embodies that original purpose. So a purpose is simply a vehicle for growth.

Fulfilling a purpose causes it to lose its meaningfulness – and can leave us wondering what the whole journey was about. So we can languish on that level of awareness – and instead of 10 year’s precious life experience we get one year’s experience 10 times! 

There is a Chinese curse, attributed to Confucius, that says “May you live in interesting times”. I consider it a blessing rather than a curse, because “interesting times” such as those right now, create the pain that kicks the cycle off again. Pain that is not easily resolved will fire up resourcefulness, cause us to again search for a higher, meaningful purpose, and off we will go on a new, and hopefully higher, level of the journey.

Here’s the how the cycle works: Pain (the felt need for change) leads to Seeking (finding a meaningful purpose), which leads to Striving (to make it real), which leads to Attaining (success – and subsequent loss of higher purpose), which leads eventually back to Pain (the felt need for a higher level of experience) etc etc. Has that been your experience?

No pain – no gain? Bring it on!

Or do you know another way?


VitallyMe helps you discover the personal development that's right for you - read more...

In Search of a Leader

There are probably as many ideas about leadership as there are followers.  The one that sums it up best for me is from Alan Keith (CEO of a biotech company) who said, "Leadership is ultimately about creating a way for people to contribute to making something extraordinary happen." 

I like that definition very much, but I wonder how often you have experienced that – in a team, in an organisation, or indeed in a country?  If you attended one of those breakthrough type programs from a bygone era, then you likely have first hand experience that it is actually possible.  But where is your sense of that today?

When was the last time you felt you were contributing to making something extraordinary happen?  Last week I wrote about creating practical magic.  By the above definition good leadership, it seems, demands that kind of skill as well as the pre-requisite technical and relationship expertise.

Considering the parlous state of leadership in the world today I wonder what we as individuals can do?  Of course we have our vote every so often – but will someone with practical leadership magic please stand up?

James Kouzes and Barry Posner, in their nearly 30 years of investigations, involving over 15,000 managers and leaders, found that followers expected leaders to have four primary characteristics:

• ·         Honesty
• ·         Forward-Looking
• ·         Competent
• ·         Inspiring

That’s a pretty good filter to apply to anyone in a leadership role, and particularly challenging if you apply it to your political choices, but I believe this captures much more than just a few follower whims.  It’s more like a distilled ‘Wisdom of Crowds’.

This four item combination is a measure of personal development, a test of self-mastery and most significantly, an indication of one’s level of awareness.  I won’t expand on each item here other than to say that the second item implies mastery of conceptual skills; the third implies mastery of action skills; the fourth implies mastery of relationship skills; and the first implies more than truthfulness – it implies personal integrity and authenticity – the key indicators of trans-egoic awareness.

Imagine a leader who exudes those four qualities.  Would that not spark your desire to contribute to making something extraordinary happen?  That’s leadership magic!

Now let’s bring it closer to home.  Try those four characteristics as a self-test, but not from your own subjective view.  How would your friends, your family or your followers rate you on each point?

If you rate well on all four then please stand up – your company and your country need you now!

Your own VitallyMe report will highlight for you, many more than the 4 qualities cited above.  It will identify your strengths as well as your challenges in Relationships, Actions and Thinking.  And it will help you discover how to develop the leader in you.  Click here for more...

Turning Knowledge into Practical Magic

Could you use a little more magic in your life?  Could your partner?  Could your job?

As adults we generally accept that magic is an illusion, in which we haven't yet been able to connect effect with cause.  We know of course that there must be that connection – yet paradoxically, as an audience, we still get that boost of excitement, that emotional rise, when the rabbit comes out of the hat.  Although for the magician the surprise is probably not so great!

So where does that boost, that emotional rise, come from and how can we get more of it? 

There is a normal point in early childhood called ‘object constancy’ where the child realises that mum still exists, even when she is not present.  From then on things can delight us by popping in and out of existence – and magic is absolutely real.  And what a lovely world that is when we believe in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and the Easter Bunny.  We believe that someday that Prince will come, that good will triumph over evil, and that someday, somehow, things will all turn out okay. 

Then we grow up!  We come to know that for every effect there is a cause, even if we can’t see it in the moment.  The more our learning and experience turn into knowing, the more our sense of magic fades.  So ultimately, knowledge kills off magic and something precious gets lost. 

We come to know our partner so well – we come to know our job so well – we come to know our society so well – and the magic dies.  Is it any wonder that people turn to alcohol or drugs for a good time?  Perhaps it is an attempt to escape from an existence that no longer holds any magic.  There doesn't seem to be much magic around in the world today – we mostly seem to come from ‘knowing’ – from technical expertise or hard-won life experience that can easily make us cynical. 

Here are some symptoms of being stuck in knowing:

• Organisations which are over-managed and under-led
• Relationships which are safe and flat and dull
• Individuals who are smart, and right, and broke, (or worse, alone)

Knowledge kills Magic!  Yet knowledge is the very base on which we build our society – a base that lifts us out of superstition and ignorance.  How can we not ‘know’ when we surely believe that we do?  Be aware that whenever you say ‘I know’, you set specific limits on any outcome – and on any possibility of magic.  Paradoxically, saying ‘I don't know’ isn't it either – while this may not set limits, it takes you out of the equation, and leaves it up to luck (or to the rest of the world).  It sounds like something from a book on Zen – ‘The way of magic lies neither in knowing, nor in not knowing’! 

But I'm not advocating ignorance!  What I am advocating is letting go of ‘attachment to knowing’ – of bringing pre-existing views to every new experience.  Magic, the joy in the moment, and that elusive ‘quality of life’, come from ‘not knowing’ – from living in the questions themselves, from living in the possibilities.  So what is a question big enough to live in?  Well, what is your desired outcome for yourself, or for your relationship or for your work?  Once upon a time the child in you knew all that very clearly as well – you just called it ‘wishing’.  As adults, let’s call it your ‘heart’s desire’, or your ‘passion’.  That is something truly real and truly your own, and the true source of magic.  So, how to make magic – that is, how to create exciting experiences where effect does not follow logically and predictably from cause – is a process that starts with that private, internal journey and reality check.  That’s the first step – ‘What do I really want?’

Then it is about realising that what you perceive as going on ‘out there’ in your outer life is a reflection of what’s actually going on ‘in here’ in your inner life.  This doesn’t mean that you are omnipotent – or that the state of the world is all your fault!  It is just the next step towards creating magic, and it applies equally to passion in relationship, synergy in teams, or ‘outside-of-the-dots’ results in business.  So the second step is asking ‘What does my external experience reflect about my inner journey at this time?’

People have said it in many ways – “life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived”, “plan like an adult, and believe like a child”, “argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours!”  All truisms – but here is the personal development key that will get you there...  Santa Claus is not real – but the magic inside of you, that you have probably lost touch with, is absolutely real. 

It’s the connection between our personal internal reality and our external experience that works by magic – that is, in mostly unconscious ways – and we can learn to utilise that magic connection to create the outcomes we desire. But not by believing in some invisible benevolent force outside of us – it all comes back to our attachment to ‘knowing’.  It is you who creates the magic, or not!  It doesn't just happen! 

Your honest mixing of your genuine heart’s desire and your reflection on your inner journey will fire up new creativity and insights.  But don’t let your new learning turn into knowledge!  Let it turn instead into a growing awareness of the magic connection between your internal reality and your external experience.  Let your greater awareness inform you of greater external opportunities that have been hitherto hidden.  By definition, these opportunities are outside of your ‘knowing’ or you would already be exploring them, and it is your current ‘knowing’ that keeps them hidden from your awareness.

Of course, after recognising an opportunity, you have to take external action.  That changes your external experience which in turn reflects on the state of your internal journey and most likely moves you closer to your heart’s desire.  This may all sound a bit cosmic, but it works just as well for creating closeness in a relationship right now as it does for creating corporate success in the longer term.  Give it a try!

A life worth living requires only three things – a genuine expression of your heart’s desire, a willingness to act on that, and a basic awareness of Practical Magic.

Your own VitallyMe Report will help turn your own self-knowledge into your own style of Practical Magic.  Read more...

Welcome to the Personality Shop

We don’t sell off the rack – all garments are tailor-made.  We also do repairs and alterations!

Personality is what makes us different from one another – we have gathered different habits, we have developed different skills, we have learned particular behaviours and various forms of self-expression.  That makes us unique, but there are always some parts of any personality that don’t work so well, so we usually have to find ways to compensate.

In our Personality Shop you can upgrade various parts of your personality!  Perhaps some parts are worn out and don't work so well anymore?  Perhaps you're just tired of wearing the same old suit year after year?  For me it was ‘impulse’ – my personality was given ‘impulse bypass surgery’ at three years old – so I always found taking initiative difficult (my suit) – or more specifically, asking someone else for what I wanted (my shirt) – or even more specifically, identifying something I actually wanted for myself (my underwear).

 

In the Personality Shop I discovered how badly I needed a change of underwear!  Turned out that my suit was okay – just somewhat out-dated.  I’d been hanging on to it – kind of hoping it would come back into fashion – but it was just getting more and more uncomfortable!

So are there parts of your personality that may be out-dated?  Or even perhaps from a different era?

I just read a brilliant book called 'The Fourth Turning'.  The authors have discovered that whole generations have particular personalities.  That will come as no surprise to you if you have children or grandchildren, but these historians found that generational personalities are identifiable, predictable, and get recycled only once every 80 years!

Within that 80 year cycle there are four generational personality types that determine societal and national attitudes and consequently create particular kinds of historical events.  Of course within any one generation the full range of personality types can be found, but the whole generation becomes biased to a limited range of acceptable views and behaviours. 

This means that if you live to be 80 years old there will be one 20 year period in your life that best matches your personality.  At that time you will embody the culture, you will be a natural leader and there is every likelihood that life will be good for you.  Now, which 20 year period of your life that is, depends on when you were born, your own personality type, and the turning of the generational personality cycle.  So every dog does have his day! 

But what about the other 60 years when there is less alignment or no match at all?  Well, life can be pretty average and quite unsatisfying when you don't fit in.  You could become a rebellious youth – or a grumpy old person – or perhaps you just need to change your underwear?

At this very time we are experiencing a seasonal turning of the generations, and a new generational personality type will soon come to power.  According to the ‘The Fourth Turning’ that season is winter, the worst part of the 80 year cycle and that inevitably brings bad, bad times for almost everyone.  How well will your ‘suit’ stand up to the next twenty years of winter?  Perhaps some woollen underwear would help?  Perhaps a good overcoat is in order?

So welcome to the Personality Shop.  A VitallyMe Report will give your current personality a quick review before winter sets in.

We’ll post more on specific repairs and alterations in later blogs…

Would you like to know more about the generational personality of the winter season?