Any Small Change?

To thrive in periods of change, it’s important to remain flexible, right? But what does that actually mean – and just how flexible are we really? 

Our physical bodies adapt to the conditions we set for them and self-adjust to the minimum fitness level required by those conditions. So we need to balance sedentary life styles with chosen exercise routines or our bodies self-adjust down to unhealthy levels. The key physical elements of remaining flexible come as no surprise:

• Exercise – ‘use it or lose it’. If you tied your arm to your body it wouldn’t be too long before it became altogether useless – on the other hand there’s not much point in attaining the fitness of a marathon runner unless you intend to run marathons. Physical self-management towards a physical purpose makes good sense. 

• Stretching – generally accepted as important in warming up and down so you don’t crash into physical limits. This is also important if your purpose changes – going from couch-potato to marathon runner is going to require a lot of stretching of physical and mental boundaries. 

• Knowing your limitations – and working with them rather than against them. ‘Stretching, but not straining’ is the right attitude for healthy progress. 

• Rest and healing – if you exceed those limitations too quickly and do some damage, then proper healing and appropriate rest are also essential to restoring health. 

But do we acknowledge the same points in regard to other aspects of our lives? How can we maintain flexibility in our emotional world?

• Exercise – do you regularly robustly engage with people who don’t agree with you, or your partner, or children, or go to the theatre or good movies? Or are you more of an emotional couch-potato? 

• Stretching – what emotional situations do you avoid – highly-charged or non-charged? Do you maintain unhealthy (minimum fitness) emotional boundaries? 

• Limitations – do you work with them or defend them? Remember ‘stretch – don’t strain’.

• Rest and healing – grieving and loss for example. Do you fully experience it and let it go – or do you soldier on in spite of it? Can you ask for and accept nurturing from others? 

And what about our mental world – do the same elements of flexibility apply there?

• Exercise – do you regularly do crosswords, or Sudoku, or play chess or cards or create something original – write a song or make a speech? Or are you a mental couch-potato, running your mind in the same groove all day, or only in input mode, allowing it to be filled with mind-numbing TV shows? 

• Stretching – what was the last mental stretch for you? I recently got to understand why E = MC squared (from a non-mind-numbing TV show) and it was so satisfying! 

• Limitations – do you work with them or defend them? “I’m no good at maths!” “I can’t remember names!” “I’ll never understand kids today!” Do you practice more of what you’re not good at – or do you avoid it? 

• Rest and healing – when do you switch off? Can you consciously go into blob consciousness, as opposed to collapsing into unconsciousness? Do you allow yourself dream time in balance with here-and-now focus time? 

It seems that physical, emotional and mental fitness all self-adjust to the minimum levels required by the conditions we ourselves allow to prevail.

So here’s a big flexibility test. What if our teetering global financial system collapses and we hit a depression of similar scale to the Great Depression of 1929-1932? The stock market crashed and investments vanished overnight. Jobs also vanished and unemployment topped out at 32% in Australia. The few jobs that were available generally required hard physical labour and were piece work only. Many people lost their homes as banks foreclosed and had to live in camps outside of the cities. Many men simply deserted their families and went ‘on the track’. Others turned to drink, gambling and theft. Children had to leave school at 13 or 14 and find ways to contribute to family survival. Extreme political parties formed on both the left and right and gained growing support. Government initiatives to kick start the economy failed and they were unable to borrow more money from overseas.

Of course with our current leadership competence and global financial systems that couldn’t happen again – right?! But if it did, how flexible could you be – really?

Perhaps now is the time we should all be making ‘Small Change’.

Your VitallyMe report will identify the key small changes that you can make personally, that will add flexibility and resilience to your everyday life experiences.  Read more...

What If They Made a Movie of Your Life?

In his column, The Tribal Mind (SMH 10/6), David Dale noted that the most popular DVDs sold in Australia since 1997 generally follow one of two themes.  “Every one of the top-selling romances uses this plotline: girl and boy fall in love but don’t realize it; they fight; they waste time with other people; they overcome obstacles; and they end up together.”  The prime example is Titanic (1997), the second highest grossing movie ever in Australia, bringing in $57.7 million at the box office.

“Another popular plotline in the top 100, more suited to boys, goes like this: reluctant protagonist sets off to solve a problem, gets helps from a mentor and funny friends, confronts evil and returns with a solution and greater self-knowledge.” The prime example of this is The Lord of the Rings (Trilogy) (2001-2003) rating 6^th, 8^th and 4^th with combined box office sales of $142.5 million.

The popularity, measured over 13 years, damps down any transitory marketing hype that may otherwise distort our collective DVD choices.  So what does this tell us? 

The themes undoubtedly say something meaningful to us – not just another good story but something much more personal – something that we identify with at a sub-conscious level.  I think they tell us our own universal growth story.  The first theme is about the attraction of opposites in relationship and the journey to acceptance of self through learning to value and honour those opposing qualities in another.  The second theme defines the rite of passage to mature adulthood with its inevitable tests that require courage, determination and endurance to make a difference in the world that one deems worth making.

The first plotline defines the archetypal struggle to integrate and master the feminine aspects of our nature – our emotion-based, relationship qualities.  The second plotline defines the archetypal struggle to integrate and master our will-based, action qualities.  Perhaps the most attractive aspect of the movies is that they all reinforce the hope that we will ultimately succeed in our quests!

More generally, both themes are telling us that a life worth living is about who we become in the process.  I think that the overwhelming popularity says that (at a subconscious level at least) most people are seeking to touch that story within themselves.

From our VitallyMe model we know there is a potential third plotline as well.  That would be about discovering a big idealistic future reality and working through all the philosophical and logical arguments to bring the dream within reach – about creating a dream worth dedicating your life to.

Wow!  What if you could combine all 3 plotlines in the same movie?  That would have to appeal to almost everyone in one archetypal way or another.  That would probably become the highest grossing movie ever…

And that would be Avatar at $115.6 million in Australia!  Think about what appealed to you in that movie.  The reluctant (disabled) protagonist?  The ideal (fantasy) existence?  The wise (trans-world) mentor?  The romance of (extreme) opposites?  The search for a (universal) solution, and growing self-knowledge through to mastery in a new world?  The exciting struggle against overwhelming (and overdone) evil?  The happy ending through the ultimate triumph over adversity?  The integration of all that is good and true as the new level of existence is finally attained?

So, what pieces of that plotline are in your own life movie? 

If you'd like more clarity on your own life movie themes, just revisit your own VitallyMe Report…

Be careful what you wish for...

I’m currently preparing for one of the biggest days of my life, and it suddenly occurred to me that the one thing I have been waiting so long for (in fact 25 years) is the one thing that right now is scaring me right down to my socks.  

 

Have you ever wanted something so much, done so much in preparation for, and been incredibly excited about, that when it comes close to fruition there’s something at the back of your mind that tells you ‘…hey I’m feeling really scared about this right now’?

For some of us there is much excitement in the thrill of the chase, while for others there is great satisfaction in the achievement itself or in the size of the score.

Where are you in this scale – do you most enjoy the chase or do you most enjoy the achievement?  Of course we all have some sense of satisfaction when we achieve our goals, but what is your process of getting there?

For people like me, the sense of hope, the thrill of the chase, and the wishing, have all been a stable part of my life.  Don’t get me wrong I do work hard to achieve my goals, I do have a sense of purpose in what I do, and I do enjoy my achievements...  but there has often been a sense of ‘I’m not good enough to have this’ or ‘if I actually achieve this, then what?’  No more thrill?  No more wishing?  Hence my sense of nervousness – after all, who will I be at the other end?

For other people I know, working and achieving their goals, being proud of the ‘notches on their belt’ and focussing on success, has most often been done without any sense of doubting themselves.  I noticed that wishing for something doesn’t generally come into their frame of mind, because wishing doesn’t get you anywhere, and as to the question “Who will I be at the other end?”  Well me, of course!

So, which way do you generally lean?  Do you lean toward hope?  Or do you lean toward achievement?  Now don’t get me wrong – neither of these leanings is wrong, in fact it would be a pretty boring world if we were all the same.

In terms of personal and professional development though, can you choose between being hopeful or being achievement focussed?  Are you able to recognise when being hopeful isn’t working for you – and then just get on and do something different?  Are you able to recognise when being achievement-focussed leaves you a bit flat, or when looking for the next ‘notch’ to get that achievement rush becomes more and more extreme – and then just stop and feel something different?

Is the answer to be able to have hope and achievement at the same time?  That sounds like trying to rub your head and tap your tummy at the same time!

Have you tried to shift from being hopeful to being achievement-focussed or vice versa?  What works for you?

Fairy Tale Ending?

... and so the prince and princess lowered their expectations and for several months, lived as happily as anyone in a modern relationship could reasonably hope for.

THE END

Now wouldn’t that set a much more realistic expectation for children and adults than the classic fairy tale ending?

What for you is a reasonable expectation of relationship?

   a)   For some it is the centrepiece of a happy and fulfilled existence – family – spouse – children – grand-children…

   b)   For others it’s a burden to carry in addition to other responsibilities – work – achievement – assets – security…

   c)   For others it’s a means to an end – together is more effective than apart – a team effort brings efficiency – reaching out leads to new possibilities – pooling resources makes us more powerful…

   d)   And for others it’s a mystery to be lived – take it as it comes – go with the flow – no need for conflict – bend rather than break…

If there were scales of say 0 – 10 on each option, where would you place yourself?  And where would you place your partner on each scale compared to yourself?  

Now what did you say your “reasonable expectation of relationship” was?  Perhaps we all write our own fairy tales!

If only the world and our partners would adjust to suit our preferences!   If only they would appreciate a good ‘b-7, d-7’ combination – then my life would be so comfortable.  But they keep throwing ‘a-9, c-9’ combinations at me… how can there be any “happily ever after” in that!

Most tales include a challenge that the hero or heroine must face and a crisis that tests his or her mettle.  What if our challenge is our “reasonable expectation of relationship” and a crisis is just a reminder of that challenge?

OMG!  Perhaps we try to write our own fairy tale endings but leave the challenges and the crises out of the story!  Does anyone know how to meet an ‘a-9, c-9’ challenge?  OMG!  I live with someone who handles that with ease – every day!

Once upon a time, in a place not far from here, there lived a prince…

So what is your ‘reasonable expectation’ of relationship?

Your own VitallyMe Report will help you to set realizable expectations for any relationship.  Read more...