In Search of a Leader

There are probably as many ideas about leadership as there are followers.  The one that sums it up best for me is from Alan Keith (CEO of a biotech company) who said, "Leadership is ultimately about creating a way for people to contribute to making something extraordinary happen." 

I like that definition very much, but I wonder how often you have experienced that – in a team, in an organisation, or indeed in a country?  If you attended one of those breakthrough type programs from a bygone era, then you likely have first hand experience that it is actually possible.  But where is your sense of that today?

When was the last time you felt you were contributing to making something extraordinary happen?  Last week I wrote about creating practical magic.  By the above definition good leadership, it seems, demands that kind of skill as well as the pre-requisite technical and relationship expertise.

Considering the parlous state of leadership in the world today I wonder what we as individuals can do?  Of course we have our vote every so often – but will someone with practical leadership magic please stand up?

James Kouzes and Barry Posner, in their nearly 30 years of investigations, involving over 15,000 managers and leaders, found that followers expected leaders to have four primary characteristics:

• ·         Honesty
• ·         Forward-Looking
• ·         Competent
• ·         Inspiring

That’s a pretty good filter to apply to anyone in a leadership role, and particularly challenging if you apply it to your political choices, but I believe this captures much more than just a few follower whims.  It’s more like a distilled ‘Wisdom of Crowds’.

This four item combination is a measure of personal development, a test of self-mastery and most significantly, an indication of one’s level of awareness.  I won’t expand on each item here other than to say that the second item implies mastery of conceptual skills; the third implies mastery of action skills; the fourth implies mastery of relationship skills; and the first implies more than truthfulness – it implies personal integrity and authenticity – the key indicators of trans-egoic awareness.

Imagine a leader who exudes those four qualities.  Would that not spark your desire to contribute to making something extraordinary happen?  That’s leadership magic!

Now let’s bring it closer to home.  Try those four characteristics as a self-test, but not from your own subjective view.  How would your friends, your family or your followers rate you on each point?

If you rate well on all four then please stand up – your company and your country need you now!

Your own VitallyMe report will highlight for you, many more than the 4 qualities cited above.  It will identify your strengths as well as your challenges in Relationships, Actions and Thinking.  And it will help you discover how to develop the leader in you.  Click here for more...

Turning Knowledge into Practical Magic

Could you use a little more magic in your life?  Could your partner?  Could your job?

As adults we generally accept that magic is an illusion, in which we haven't yet been able to connect effect with cause.  We know of course that there must be that connection – yet paradoxically, as an audience, we still get that boost of excitement, that emotional rise, when the rabbit comes out of the hat.  Although for the magician the surprise is probably not so great!

So where does that boost, that emotional rise, come from and how can we get more of it? 

There is a normal point in early childhood called ‘object constancy’ where the child realises that mum still exists, even when she is not present.  From then on things can delight us by popping in and out of existence – and magic is absolutely real.  And what a lovely world that is when we believe in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and the Easter Bunny.  We believe that someday that Prince will come, that good will triumph over evil, and that someday, somehow, things will all turn out okay. 

Then we grow up!  We come to know that for every effect there is a cause, even if we can’t see it in the moment.  The more our learning and experience turn into knowing, the more our sense of magic fades.  So ultimately, knowledge kills off magic and something precious gets lost. 

We come to know our partner so well – we come to know our job so well – we come to know our society so well – and the magic dies.  Is it any wonder that people turn to alcohol or drugs for a good time?  Perhaps it is an attempt to escape from an existence that no longer holds any magic.  There doesn't seem to be much magic around in the world today – we mostly seem to come from ‘knowing’ – from technical expertise or hard-won life experience that can easily make us cynical. 

Here are some symptoms of being stuck in knowing:

• Organisations which are over-managed and under-led
• Relationships which are safe and flat and dull
• Individuals who are smart, and right, and broke, (or worse, alone)

Knowledge kills Magic!  Yet knowledge is the very base on which we build our society – a base that lifts us out of superstition and ignorance.  How can we not ‘know’ when we surely believe that we do?  Be aware that whenever you say ‘I know’, you set specific limits on any outcome – and on any possibility of magic.  Paradoxically, saying ‘I don't know’ isn't it either – while this may not set limits, it takes you out of the equation, and leaves it up to luck (or to the rest of the world).  It sounds like something from a book on Zen – ‘The way of magic lies neither in knowing, nor in not knowing’! 

But I'm not advocating ignorance!  What I am advocating is letting go of ‘attachment to knowing’ – of bringing pre-existing views to every new experience.  Magic, the joy in the moment, and that elusive ‘quality of life’, come from ‘not knowing’ – from living in the questions themselves, from living in the possibilities.  So what is a question big enough to live in?  Well, what is your desired outcome for yourself, or for your relationship or for your work?  Once upon a time the child in you knew all that very clearly as well – you just called it ‘wishing’.  As adults, let’s call it your ‘heart’s desire’, or your ‘passion’.  That is something truly real and truly your own, and the true source of magic.  So, how to make magic – that is, how to create exciting experiences where effect does not follow logically and predictably from cause – is a process that starts with that private, internal journey and reality check.  That’s the first step – ‘What do I really want?’

Then it is about realising that what you perceive as going on ‘out there’ in your outer life is a reflection of what’s actually going on ‘in here’ in your inner life.  This doesn’t mean that you are omnipotent – or that the state of the world is all your fault!  It is just the next step towards creating magic, and it applies equally to passion in relationship, synergy in teams, or ‘outside-of-the-dots’ results in business.  So the second step is asking ‘What does my external experience reflect about my inner journey at this time?’

People have said it in many ways – “life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived”, “plan like an adult, and believe like a child”, “argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours!”  All truisms – but here is the personal development key that will get you there...  Santa Claus is not real – but the magic inside of you, that you have probably lost touch with, is absolutely real. 

It’s the connection between our personal internal reality and our external experience that works by magic – that is, in mostly unconscious ways – and we can learn to utilise that magic connection to create the outcomes we desire. But not by believing in some invisible benevolent force outside of us – it all comes back to our attachment to ‘knowing’.  It is you who creates the magic, or not!  It doesn't just happen! 

Your honest mixing of your genuine heart’s desire and your reflection on your inner journey will fire up new creativity and insights.  But don’t let your new learning turn into knowledge!  Let it turn instead into a growing awareness of the magic connection between your internal reality and your external experience.  Let your greater awareness inform you of greater external opportunities that have been hitherto hidden.  By definition, these opportunities are outside of your ‘knowing’ or you would already be exploring them, and it is your current ‘knowing’ that keeps them hidden from your awareness.

Of course, after recognising an opportunity, you have to take external action.  That changes your external experience which in turn reflects on the state of your internal journey and most likely moves you closer to your heart’s desire.  This may all sound a bit cosmic, but it works just as well for creating closeness in a relationship right now as it does for creating corporate success in the longer term.  Give it a try!

A life worth living requires only three things – a genuine expression of your heart’s desire, a willingness to act on that, and a basic awareness of Practical Magic.

Your own VitallyMe Report will help turn your own self-knowledge into your own style of Practical Magic.  Read more...

Welcome to the Personality Shop

We don’t sell off the rack – all garments are tailor-made.  We also do repairs and alterations!

Personality is what makes us different from one another – we have gathered different habits, we have developed different skills, we have learned particular behaviours and various forms of self-expression.  That makes us unique, but there are always some parts of any personality that don’t work so well, so we usually have to find ways to compensate.

In our Personality Shop you can upgrade various parts of your personality!  Perhaps some parts are worn out and don't work so well anymore?  Perhaps you're just tired of wearing the same old suit year after year?  For me it was ‘impulse’ – my personality was given ‘impulse bypass surgery’ at three years old – so I always found taking initiative difficult (my suit) – or more specifically, asking someone else for what I wanted (my shirt) – or even more specifically, identifying something I actually wanted for myself (my underwear).

 

In the Personality Shop I discovered how badly I needed a change of underwear!  Turned out that my suit was okay – just somewhat out-dated.  I’d been hanging on to it – kind of hoping it would come back into fashion – but it was just getting more and more uncomfortable!

So are there parts of your personality that may be out-dated?  Or even perhaps from a different era?

I just read a brilliant book called 'The Fourth Turning'.  The authors have discovered that whole generations have particular personalities.  That will come as no surprise to you if you have children or grandchildren, but these historians found that generational personalities are identifiable, predictable, and get recycled only once every 80 years!

Within that 80 year cycle there are four generational personality types that determine societal and national attitudes and consequently create particular kinds of historical events.  Of course within any one generation the full range of personality types can be found, but the whole generation becomes biased to a limited range of acceptable views and behaviours. 

This means that if you live to be 80 years old there will be one 20 year period in your life that best matches your personality.  At that time you will embody the culture, you will be a natural leader and there is every likelihood that life will be good for you.  Now, which 20 year period of your life that is, depends on when you were born, your own personality type, and the turning of the generational personality cycle.  So every dog does have his day! 

But what about the other 60 years when there is less alignment or no match at all?  Well, life can be pretty average and quite unsatisfying when you don't fit in.  You could become a rebellious youth – or a grumpy old person – or perhaps you just need to change your underwear?

At this very time we are experiencing a seasonal turning of the generations, and a new generational personality type will soon come to power.  According to the ‘The Fourth Turning’ that season is winter, the worst part of the 80 year cycle and that inevitably brings bad, bad times for almost everyone.  How well will your ‘suit’ stand up to the next twenty years of winter?  Perhaps some woollen underwear would help?  Perhaps a good overcoat is in order?

So welcome to the Personality Shop.  A VitallyMe Report will give your current personality a quick review before winter sets in.

We’ll post more on specific repairs and alterations in later blogs…

Would you like to know more about the generational personality of the winter season?

Any Small Change?

To thrive in periods of change, it’s important to remain flexible, right? But what does that actually mean – and just how flexible are we really? 

Our physical bodies adapt to the conditions we set for them and self-adjust to the minimum fitness level required by those conditions. So we need to balance sedentary life styles with chosen exercise routines or our bodies self-adjust down to unhealthy levels. The key physical elements of remaining flexible come as no surprise:

• Exercise – ‘use it or lose it’. If you tied your arm to your body it wouldn’t be too long before it became altogether useless – on the other hand there’s not much point in attaining the fitness of a marathon runner unless you intend to run marathons. Physical self-management towards a physical purpose makes good sense. 

• Stretching – generally accepted as important in warming up and down so you don’t crash into physical limits. This is also important if your purpose changes – going from couch-potato to marathon runner is going to require a lot of stretching of physical and mental boundaries. 

• Knowing your limitations – and working with them rather than against them. ‘Stretching, but not straining’ is the right attitude for healthy progress. 

• Rest and healing – if you exceed those limitations too quickly and do some damage, then proper healing and appropriate rest are also essential to restoring health. 

But do we acknowledge the same points in regard to other aspects of our lives? How can we maintain flexibility in our emotional world?

• Exercise – do you regularly robustly engage with people who don’t agree with you, or your partner, or children, or go to the theatre or good movies? Or are you more of an emotional couch-potato? 

• Stretching – what emotional situations do you avoid – highly-charged or non-charged? Do you maintain unhealthy (minimum fitness) emotional boundaries? 

• Limitations – do you work with them or defend them? Remember ‘stretch – don’t strain’.

• Rest and healing – grieving and loss for example. Do you fully experience it and let it go – or do you soldier on in spite of it? Can you ask for and accept nurturing from others? 

And what about our mental world – do the same elements of flexibility apply there?

• Exercise – do you regularly do crosswords, or Sudoku, or play chess or cards or create something original – write a song or make a speech? Or are you a mental couch-potato, running your mind in the same groove all day, or only in input mode, allowing it to be filled with mind-numbing TV shows? 

• Stretching – what was the last mental stretch for you? I recently got to understand why E = MC squared (from a non-mind-numbing TV show) and it was so satisfying! 

• Limitations – do you work with them or defend them? “I’m no good at maths!” “I can’t remember names!” “I’ll never understand kids today!” Do you practice more of what you’re not good at – or do you avoid it? 

• Rest and healing – when do you switch off? Can you consciously go into blob consciousness, as opposed to collapsing into unconsciousness? Do you allow yourself dream time in balance with here-and-now focus time? 

It seems that physical, emotional and mental fitness all self-adjust to the minimum levels required by the conditions we ourselves allow to prevail.

So here’s a big flexibility test. What if our teetering global financial system collapses and we hit a depression of similar scale to the Great Depression of 1929-1932? The stock market crashed and investments vanished overnight. Jobs also vanished and unemployment topped out at 32% in Australia. The few jobs that were available generally required hard physical labour and were piece work only. Many people lost their homes as banks foreclosed and had to live in camps outside of the cities. Many men simply deserted their families and went ‘on the track’. Others turned to drink, gambling and theft. Children had to leave school at 13 or 14 and find ways to contribute to family survival. Extreme political parties formed on both the left and right and gained growing support. Government initiatives to kick start the economy failed and they were unable to borrow more money from overseas.

Of course with our current leadership competence and global financial systems that couldn’t happen again – right?! But if it did, how flexible could you be – really?

Perhaps now is the time we should all be making ‘Small Change’.

Your VitallyMe report will identify the key small changes that you can make personally, that will add flexibility and resilience to your everyday life experiences.  Read more...

What If They Made a Movie of Your Life?

In his column, The Tribal Mind (SMH 10/6), David Dale noted that the most popular DVDs sold in Australia since 1997 generally follow one of two themes.  “Every one of the top-selling romances uses this plotline: girl and boy fall in love but don’t realize it; they fight; they waste time with other people; they overcome obstacles; and they end up together.”  The prime example is Titanic (1997), the second highest grossing movie ever in Australia, bringing in $57.7 million at the box office.

“Another popular plotline in the top 100, more suited to boys, goes like this: reluctant protagonist sets off to solve a problem, gets helps from a mentor and funny friends, confronts evil and returns with a solution and greater self-knowledge.” The prime example of this is The Lord of the Rings (Trilogy) (2001-2003) rating 6^th, 8^th and 4^th with combined box office sales of $142.5 million.

The popularity, measured over 13 years, damps down any transitory marketing hype that may otherwise distort our collective DVD choices.  So what does this tell us? 

The themes undoubtedly say something meaningful to us – not just another good story but something much more personal – something that we identify with at a sub-conscious level.  I think they tell us our own universal growth story.  The first theme is about the attraction of opposites in relationship and the journey to acceptance of self through learning to value and honour those opposing qualities in another.  The second theme defines the rite of passage to mature adulthood with its inevitable tests that require courage, determination and endurance to make a difference in the world that one deems worth making.

The first plotline defines the archetypal struggle to integrate and master the feminine aspects of our nature – our emotion-based, relationship qualities.  The second plotline defines the archetypal struggle to integrate and master our will-based, action qualities.  Perhaps the most attractive aspect of the movies is that they all reinforce the hope that we will ultimately succeed in our quests!

More generally, both themes are telling us that a life worth living is about who we become in the process.  I think that the overwhelming popularity says that (at a subconscious level at least) most people are seeking to touch that story within themselves.

From our VitallyMe model we know there is a potential third plotline as well.  That would be about discovering a big idealistic future reality and working through all the philosophical and logical arguments to bring the dream within reach – about creating a dream worth dedicating your life to.

Wow!  What if you could combine all 3 plotlines in the same movie?  That would have to appeal to almost everyone in one archetypal way or another.  That would probably become the highest grossing movie ever…

And that would be Avatar at $115.6 million in Australia!  Think about what appealed to you in that movie.  The reluctant (disabled) protagonist?  The ideal (fantasy) existence?  The wise (trans-world) mentor?  The romance of (extreme) opposites?  The search for a (universal) solution, and growing self-knowledge through to mastery in a new world?  The exciting struggle against overwhelming (and overdone) evil?  The happy ending through the ultimate triumph over adversity?  The integration of all that is good and true as the new level of existence is finally attained?

So, what pieces of that plotline are in your own life movie? 

If you'd like more clarity on your own life movie themes, just revisit your own VitallyMe Report…

Be careful what you wish for...

I’m currently preparing for one of the biggest days of my life, and it suddenly occurred to me that the one thing I have been waiting so long for (in fact 25 years) is the one thing that right now is scaring me right down to my socks.  

 

Have you ever wanted something so much, done so much in preparation for, and been incredibly excited about, that when it comes close to fruition there’s something at the back of your mind that tells you ‘…hey I’m feeling really scared about this right now’?

For some of us there is much excitement in the thrill of the chase, while for others there is great satisfaction in the achievement itself or in the size of the score.

Where are you in this scale – do you most enjoy the chase or do you most enjoy the achievement?  Of course we all have some sense of satisfaction when we achieve our goals, but what is your process of getting there?

For people like me, the sense of hope, the thrill of the chase, and the wishing, have all been a stable part of my life.  Don’t get me wrong I do work hard to achieve my goals, I do have a sense of purpose in what I do, and I do enjoy my achievements...  but there has often been a sense of ‘I’m not good enough to have this’ or ‘if I actually achieve this, then what?’  No more thrill?  No more wishing?  Hence my sense of nervousness – after all, who will I be at the other end?

For other people I know, working and achieving their goals, being proud of the ‘notches on their belt’ and focussing on success, has most often been done without any sense of doubting themselves.  I noticed that wishing for something doesn’t generally come into their frame of mind, because wishing doesn’t get you anywhere, and as to the question “Who will I be at the other end?”  Well me, of course!

So, which way do you generally lean?  Do you lean toward hope?  Or do you lean toward achievement?  Now don’t get me wrong – neither of these leanings is wrong, in fact it would be a pretty boring world if we were all the same.

In terms of personal and professional development though, can you choose between being hopeful or being achievement focussed?  Are you able to recognise when being hopeful isn’t working for you – and then just get on and do something different?  Are you able to recognise when being achievement-focussed leaves you a bit flat, or when looking for the next ‘notch’ to get that achievement rush becomes more and more extreme – and then just stop and feel something different?

Is the answer to be able to have hope and achievement at the same time?  That sounds like trying to rub your head and tap your tummy at the same time!

Have you tried to shift from being hopeful to being achievement-focussed or vice versa?  What works for you?

Fairy Tale Ending?

... and so the prince and princess lowered their expectations and for several months, lived as happily as anyone in a modern relationship could reasonably hope for.

THE END

Now wouldn’t that set a much more realistic expectation for children and adults than the classic fairy tale ending?

What for you is a reasonable expectation of relationship?

   a)   For some it is the centrepiece of a happy and fulfilled existence – family – spouse – children – grand-children…

   b)   For others it’s a burden to carry in addition to other responsibilities – work – achievement – assets – security…

   c)   For others it’s a means to an end – together is more effective than apart – a team effort brings efficiency – reaching out leads to new possibilities – pooling resources makes us more powerful…

   d)   And for others it’s a mystery to be lived – take it as it comes – go with the flow – no need for conflict – bend rather than break…

If there were scales of say 0 – 10 on each option, where would you place yourself?  And where would you place your partner on each scale compared to yourself?  

Now what did you say your “reasonable expectation of relationship” was?  Perhaps we all write our own fairy tales!

If only the world and our partners would adjust to suit our preferences!   If only they would appreciate a good ‘b-7, d-7’ combination – then my life would be so comfortable.  But they keep throwing ‘a-9, c-9’ combinations at me… how can there be any “happily ever after” in that!

Most tales include a challenge that the hero or heroine must face and a crisis that tests his or her mettle.  What if our challenge is our “reasonable expectation of relationship” and a crisis is just a reminder of that challenge?

OMG!  Perhaps we try to write our own fairy tale endings but leave the challenges and the crises out of the story!  Does anyone know how to meet an ‘a-9, c-9’ challenge?  OMG!  I live with someone who handles that with ease – every day!

Once upon a time, in a place not far from here, there lived a prince…

So what is your ‘reasonable expectation’ of relationship?

Your own VitallyMe Report will help you to set realizable expectations for any relationship.  Read more...